Wholly Whose?

I've been learning a lot the last couple of months. And it seems impossible to me that I can even use that phrase, "the last couple of months" in reference to my time in Columbia. But I started my job at USC two months ago exactly, and in many ways, I feel exactly like I did when I first arrived.

My intention was for my next blog post to be about my job, to bore you with all of the mundane details of the job that I love so much. But instead of spending paragraphs trying to explain what it is that I am doing here, I'm going to briefly give you the highlights, and then tell you about, more importantly, what God is doing in my life.

First off, you can now find me on the Study Abroad staff page, and "meet" the rest of the awesome people with whom I have the privilege of working. So aside from getting to know my lovely coworkers, I have learned the ways of the chaotic and never-a-dull-moment front desk, sat in on initial and follow-up advising appointments, participated in exchange student move-in and orientation, survived (and enjoyed!) my first study abroad fair, attended a scholarship workshop in Atlanta with Rachel and Sarah (my very first business trip!), interviewed peer advisors, and partaken in multiple meetings, included staff meetings, department meetings, and provider visits. All of this, though, is the "side dish" to my main task. Primarily, as "graduate intern," I am working closely with Jenn, the director, on a variety of assessment projects. Some of these are data-focused and will hopefully lead the way to more funding, while others are more research-based and lead to improvements in our office for our students. For example, I just finished putting together a comprehensive list of our most affordable program options in the 10 most popular study abroad destinations. Sounds easy, perhaps, but is definitely time consuming when you have upwards of 300 programs to review! I have learned so much since I started working, and I still have much to learn. Every day brings a new set of challenges, which is part of what I love so much. But, nothing beats the staff and the students that I get to work with everyday. They are the constant reminder of why I am here, the reminder that I am in the right place and doing the right thing.

Which brings me to the next part of this post: what God is doing.

In March, while I was in Guatemala, I started reading Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What. I got through half of it before I became distracted by school and life. I picked it up again today, though, and would you believe that the very chapter where I left off is about exactly what the Lord has been trying to teach me, recently? Not only is it amazing that I didn't read this part earlier, because it would not have meant as much to me then, but it's also amazing that now, right now, is when I was prompted to read it.

You may remember my last post, in which I mentioned that transition has not been so easy this time around, and that I am struggling to find where I belong in this not-very-large city. Now, perhaps more than ever, I have been seeking validation from people, because I have this idea that having people like me will make me feel more at home here. I put myself in compromising positions because I am far more concerned with making friends, no matter who they are, and with having these friends validate me as an individual, than with taking the time to find people with whom I have much in common. And forget trying to find spiritually supportive friends; I have to find a church to find them, and finding a church is never an easy scavenger hunt.

And right in the middle of this struggle, God (and Don Miller) whacks me upside the head with this: "These wants we have, like wanting to be right, wanting to be good, wanting to be perceived as humble, wanting to be important to people, and wanting to be loved, feel perilous, as though by not getting them something terrible is going to happen...God wired us so that He told us who we were, and outside that relationship, the relationship that said we were loved and valuable and beautiful, we didn't have any worth at all...As Paul said, if those relations are disturbed, the relations between God and man, then we feel the desire to be loved and respected by other people instead of God, and if we don't get that love and respect, we feel very sad or angry because we know that our glory is at stake, that if there isn't some glory being shone through us by somebody who has authority, we'll be dead inside, like a little light will go out and our souls will feel dark, like nothing can grow there. We'll feel that there is a penalty, by default, for being removed from love."

I don't know about you, but every time I read that I feel like I'm being sucker punched with a horribly fantastic reality. Because, the reality is that it's not the "being in a new place" or the "being away from my closest friends" that is making me frustrated and making me long for companionship, acceptance, and validation. It's my distance from God, my separation from him because of sin, and my failure to wholly, fully, and completely trust in His love. Because it is only in His love that I will ever feel fulfilled, no matter where I am and no matter who I know. "What if the way the Trinity operates explains the way humans are wired, and that we will be fulfilled when we are finally with God and, in His companionship, we know who we are? What if when we are with God, we feel that we have glory, we feel His love for us and know, in a way infinitely more satisfying than a parent's love or a lover's love, that we matter?"

This is my lesson for the day: it doesn't matter where I am, who I know, how new my surroundings are, or how comfortable my life is; I will always look for validation from my peers if I am not fully satisfied in the God of the universe who loves me infinitely. I can try to excuse my desire for worldly acceptance by saying that I am in a new place and trying to make friends, but I will only be denying the real reason for my loneliness, which is that I am not trusting in the loving arms of Christ.

I am reminded of my neighbor's art camp I photographed this summer, a job which gave me the privilege of leading a small group of fifth graders in Bible study every morning. We were discussing holiness one day, and what exactly that means and looks like. We all agreed that Jesus is holy, but how in the world are we supposed to be holy? Scripture tells us that we must seek holiness, so I encouraged the girls to wake up every morning with this prayer: "Jesus, make me holy." I have found myself wanting to ask this, and sometimes even saying the words aloud, but not fully committing to the request in my heart. And yet, this only makes me want to pray this more, because it is my unholiness that prevents me from being able to ask the Holy of Holies for his attributes.

I am full of earth; You are heaven's worth.

I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.

You are everything that is bright and clean,

The antonym of me; you are divinity.

But a certain sign of grace is this:

From the broken earth, flowers push up,

Pushing through the dirt. You are holy.

I want to be holy like You are.

Love,

lvp

Well?

If you want to feel alive, then learn to love your ground.

Remember how I felt when I first got back from London? Like I didn't know where I belonged, and I wanted to be four different places at once?

When all of this fell into my lap--the job, the school, the apartment--it was hard to not see God's hand in all of it. He was so clearly directing me a certain way, and I stepped into his direction with confidence and expectation.

But so far, it's nothing like I expected.

I love my job, and I love the people I work with. My boss is not only a powerhouse, she is a pleasure to work for and a constant encouragement. In fact, going to work is the best part of my day, because I get to spend hours with some of the most inspiring people. And now that the student workers have started, there is even more inspiration to be had. When I'm at work, I am comfortable but pushed beyond my comfort zone. And I know it's exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Outside of my job, things start to look a little bit...messier. I suppose I haven't really found my "nitch" yet, so I still feel unsettled. I've moved to several different places on my own, without knowing anyone, and I've gotten along just fine. But this time is different. There's no orientation for grown-up life, there's no city tour and scavenger hunt, and there's definitely no icebreakers. You have to come up with your own way to break the ice--but first you have to find people with whom you need to break it. Outside of work, and Natalie, I've made a few friends here and there, randomly. But it mostly just leaves me craving the intimate and real relationships I've made in the past--at Queens, at Crestridge, and in London.

It's funny that when things make sense and happen outside of my control, it's easy for me to give God the credit. But when things start to look a little imperfect, messy, and confusing, my first response is to wonder if this is really where God meant for me to be. Because, I have this false idea of what that should look like, of what life should look like if I'm stepping into God's plan. But, the truth, I have no idea what it will look like. And, there's a good chance I'm exactly where God wants me but, perhaps, not being who He wants me to be.

Friends, I have a lot to learn. Everything is new to me right now, and God's mercies are new every morning (thank goodness). This journey is just getting started, and I don't have the slightest clue as to what the next two years in Columbia will look like. I do have a God that I can put all my trust in, though, and I am confident in His perfect plan. Most of the time. And for the times that I am not confident, He sweeps me off my feet and reminds me how very much He loves me.

Love,
lvp

Living Internationally in This Nation I Love

I have some exciting news that I've been meaning to share with you for a while. My recent move to Columbia, SC has kept me busy and kept me from telling you why, exactly, I moved here. Let's start from the beginning.

As a reader of this blog, you may know that in the spring of 2010, I studied abroad in England. What you may not remember is that I traveled through a program provider called EuroLearn, which is a branch of GlobaLinks Learning Abroad. And, more recently, I wrote about receiving their Alumna of the Year Award and subsequently traveling to Vancouver, Canada for the annual NAFSA conference.

At NAFSA, I met so many incredible people--too many to mention. The connections I made were invaluable to my future and inspiring to my ambitions. Some of the people I met were big-time International Education names, such as Cynthia Banks, the CEO of GlobaLinks, and Kevin, the VP of STA Travel. But some of the others I met were perhaps lesser-known, but no less-important to the industry. Coming home from NAFSA, I went through business cards over and over to try and match them with the faces in my memory. And there was always one who stood out in particular: Susan. Susan works for University of South Carolina (USC, not to be confused with University of Southern California), one of GlobaLinks' 400+ affiliated universities. She attended the affiliate luncheon with Jenn, her director, and heard my award acceptance speech. After the luncheon, she came to the GlobaLinks booth to talk to me about the Higher Education program at USC; and as a current student in the program, she had a lot of insight. I was very intrigued, but, admittedly, did not think that much would come out of that conversation--at least not for another year or so when I would go to graduate school.

You may also remember this: that I had a "master" plan, which was to spend a year abroad after college, teaching, working, doing something (anything, really) to gain more international experience. And then, after a year, I would return to the states for graduate school, where I would get my degree in higher education, thereby making me more qualified for the various jobs in international education. As I was frantically searching overseas jobs after returning from NAFSA, I received an email from Susan--the graduate student who was so encouraging to me but I scarcely expected to hear from. Her email stopped me in my job search tracks, and I immediately signed up to take the GRE. You see, she had told me about a Graduate Assistantship that was available in the USC Study Abroad Office, and that if I applied and got accepted to the Higher Ed program, then I could be considered for the GA position. Despite my plans, I scheduled a GRE date for the following week (right before I left on the road trip), and got excited about the possibilities. However, the excitement was shortlived; several days later, I received an email that it was too late to apply for fall admission to the graduate school. I took the GRE anyway, and set off on the greatest cross-country adventure (which you have hopefully already read about).

Two weeks later, I was sitting in Barnes & Noble in Charlotte, soaking in all of the US that I had just seen, when I get a phone call from the USC Study Abroad Office. But this time, it was not Susan contacting me; it was her director. She was offering me an internship position in her office--the chance to work with them as a temporary employee rather than a graduate assistant. And, in theory, I could apply to the Higher Ed program, get accepted, and apply for the Study Abroad GA for the Spring semester. I could not have been more thrilled. I would be lying if I didn't say I had already made up my mind, but I walked back into Barnes & Noble to tell my friends the news. The same friends with whom I had been discussing, literally moments before, everything I needed to do to get ready to go teach in South Korea.

The opportunity of working in the USC Study Abroad Office was a massive one for many reasons. Not only would it give me experience in the field that is a) difficult to come by in this economy and b) difficult to be qualified for as a recent college graduate, but it also gave me a direct opportunity for graduate school. The position was impossible to turn down, and a couple of weeks later, I found myself in Columbia, SC searching for an apartment.

It is the beginning of my fourth week of work and, needless to say, I absolutely love it. I have learned more in three weeks than I ever thought I could, and the people that I work with are the best. I felt welcome the moment I stepped into the office, I am always comfortable asking questions, and I know that I am a part of a team. And this is the thing that I have found over and over with international educators; there is this camaraderie that exists between those in the field, this unspoken (or perhaps spoken) vision that brings all of us together in a common mentality. And we've all studied abroad, so we understand that aspect of one another; no one complains when I say "This one time, in London," or when Susan says "When I was in Ecuador..."

So the point of that long-winded story is to tell you that I am still continuing on my path of travel. Although I am currently residing in the United States, I am still becoming the person that I met while I was in London. I am on an exciting path, and SO excited to see all the God has for me. I am confident that I am right where he wants me to be, and expectant about His plans for the future. I never imagined that I would be here, doing exactly what I wanted to be doing, exactly on God's terms. But here I am, and I am reminded everyday of His faithfulness and provision. May you continue to trust in His perfect plan for your life, and rest in the comfort of knowing that He has one!

Love,
lvp

P.S. Check back later for more concrete details about my job. I'll let you know what I'm working on and the exciting things that I get to be a part of!

Road Trip = Life Metaphor

It wasn't long into this trip that we realized that Roadtrip!2011 had metaphorical potential out the wazoo. We had lots of philosophical, spiritual, in-depth, and complex discussions that left us all thinking about the more important things in life. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we each learned things about ourselves during this adventure that we weren't fully prepared to learn. For me? I was reminded, blatantly, that there are some things I cannot control, no matter how much I think I can.

I also learned that the United States is beautiful. I don't really know what else to say, or how to say it. But I live in a gorgeous country. As someone who is so passionate about exploring the rest of the world, I had never really taken the time to appreciate my own nation and what it has to offer. I am so, so, so glad that I took advantage of the opportunity to drive to the west, and to see the US from a car. There aren't many times in your life that you can take two and a half weeks off of reality, pack in a sedan with four other people, eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, stay with friends and family at every stop, and only spend less than $300 a person on the entire trip. By the trip's end, we had visited five national parks, had seen friends and family that we hadn't seen in months or years, and didn't have one car problem (unless you count blowing the fuse when we had four chargers plugged into one electrical socket; thank goodness Eric knew just what to do). It is a trip that I will treasure forever, and will recommend to anyone graduating from college. Jump in a car, map out a trail, and see this amazing country.

People keep asking me what my favorite part was, and it's impossible to say. Surprising the JOH boys was definitely my favorite moment; nothing can compare to the amount of love and happiness that came from that surprise. I wish that I could replay it over and over again. But I think that my favorite place to visit was Jackson, WY, mostly because I fell in love with the Tetons, and the hike we did there was unreal. But then I think about everything else we did and everywhere else we went, and there is no way that I can say I liked Jackson more than Yellowstone, Yellowstone more than Glacier, Glacier more than the Badlands, or the Badlands more than Colorado. You don't go on trips like this to find a favorite place. You go to take all of it in, and you come back with favorite places.

I could write about this trip forever. I don't know which details to give you all, because there are so many. And I am leaving these posts on my "Something I Can Send You from Across the Sea" blog, even though I didn't actually cross the sea this time. Why? Because my journeys abroad made me think that the rest of the world was more beautiful than my own country, and this road trip taught me that I was sorely mistaken. Every trip I go on impacts my passion for travel in some way--whether it's a ten hour drive or a ten hour plane flight. The point is that I travel. And I want you to be a part of my journey.

Love,
lvp

Still on the road!

So I had to stop updating for a little while because we were in the process of surprising our friends on JOH--the bike ride across the country to raise money and awareness for people with disabilities. Five of my friends were on the trans route, which goes through Yellowstone, and we were going to be there at the same time. Of course, if the boys had known we were in Jackson Hole, they would have either been furious we weren't seeing them, or certain that we were. So Joey forbid us from writing anything about our location online, and as a result, we pulled off an amazing surprise. It was definitely one of the highlights of the trip.

After we left the Badlands, we took Eric to Rapid City, SD where he met up with his family for his brother's wedding. The next morning, we headed out to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, stopping at Mount Rushmore on the way, which was a beautiful drive, complete with lots of "critters" that Mitch spotted (while driving, nonetheless). In Jackson, we stayed with Joey's friend Sarah who graduated from Queens and works at a ranch out there. We hiked in the Tetons for a good 4.5 hours, and then Sarah took us on a horse ride through some trails, which made for some gorgeous views.

We were sad to leave Jackson, but excited for SURPRISE DAY! We drove through Yellowstone and made all the important stops, including Old Faithful and Grand Prismatic. Some of those places are crazy beautiful. We didn't have a whole lot of time in the park, though, before we had to meet Fred for the big surprise. I can't really put into words what surprising Ian, Wes, Michael, and Brett was like...but I have a few pictures for you.

Next stop: Bozeman. This drive also proved gorgeous, and we got to see an amazing sunset that left us all with our jaws dropped. We stayed with Nate, one of my London friends, and his family in Montana, and went out to one of the local bars with Nate and my other London friends, Jeff. The next morning, we headed to Glacier National with Nate, and had a great time out there camping, exploring, hiking, and driving around. 

After a few nights in Montana, it was time to move on, and now we are in Boulder, Colorado staying at my brother's. After we eat breakfast, he's taking us rock climbing, and then we are getting on the road again!

That's all for now.

Love,
lvp

And these badlands start treating us good...

The South Dakota Badlands. Ever heard of them? Neither had I until a few days ago. And rather than trying to explain them to you in words, I'm just going to share pictures with you. Please know that these photos do not, in any way, do this magnificent place justice. But, it's the best I can do. Hopefully it will inspire you to visit yourself.

Amazing, right? This is the best road trip ever.

Love,

lvp

Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska...

It's hard to believe that three days ago, I was in Florida. And now, after 27 or so hours of driving, I am in Omaha, Nebraska. Today, I drove through several states that I have only heard about but had never actually seen--not even in movies, because nobody puts Iowa or Illinois (unless it's Chicago) in a movie. Lots of land, y'all. And fields. And wind farms. We got really excited about the wind farms, I guess because it meant a change in scenery.

We also had a run in with a few storms, the worst one being when we arrived in Omaha. The clouds were more than just ominous; they were pre-tornado, as far as any of us were concerned. Once we reached our destination for the day, we saw on the news that there were, in fact, tornado warnings; it's a good thing we got here when we did.

I'm just going to leave you with a few pictures, and leave the rest to your imagination. Don't worry. I'll update you again soon!

That's all for now. Don't be freaked out, Mom.

Love,

lvp