What to Expect When You're (Not) Expectant

(Please forgive the horrible allusion to a book series for soon-to-be parents (which I have never read, thankfully), and the comedy film coming out this summer with the same title.)

But I want to talk about expectations.

Working in a study abroad office, I get to hear quite a lot about what students expect from a study abroad program. During pre-departure orientation, we actually ask students what their expectations are, culturally, socially, academically, and personally. Some students expect their lives to be changed--but they haven't given much thought as to what this might actually look like. Some students expect to learn a new language--but maybe haven't considered the difficulty of this task. Some students expect all play and no work--but quickly remember the word study in what they've signed up for.

Whatever the case, it is almost guaranteed that reality will not quite live up to expectations, or it won't look exactly like you might have imagined (right about now you should be thinking of that reality vs. expectations scene in 500 Days of Summer; if you aren't thinking of that, it means you haven't seen the film, and you should probably go watch it. After you read this post, of course). I learned this lesson at a young age; and for as long as I can remember, I have tried to not have expectations, so as to avoid preconceived ideas, notions or judgments--and to avoid disappointment.

Instead of expectations, I like to have goals. Having never been to Asia, much less South Korea, before, I have no idea what to expect. I have talked to some people about ways to prepare for the language and the culture, and I am slowly coming to an understanding of what my role as intern will be. But as far as what my days will look like, what my housing will be like, what my job will look like, what my life in Seoul will look like--I can hardly even begin to imagine! But goals--that is, the reasons I am stretching myself financially, challenging myself personally, and engaging myself professionally--are an entirely different story.

Realistic goals are something tangible that you yourself are in charge of. You have no control over the meeting of your expectations, but you have total control over setting and accomplishing goals. In order to hold myself accountable, I am going to list out some of my general goals here, for all of you to see. That way, if I don't feel like I've completed them by August 5th, I will not just be disappointing myself, but all of you as well.

My goals for my internship abroad at Sookmyung Women's University:


Personally, I want to further develop my independence, open-mindedness, self-awareness, cultural awareness, communication skills (including language!) and flexibility.


Socially, I want to meet new people and make new friends. I want to effectively balance staying connected with people "back home," and fully connecting and engaging with my "new (albeit temporary) home". I want to interact regularly with people who see differently from me, and learn from these interactions. I want to leave South Korea with friends that I will cherish forever.


Culturally, I want to be challenged in an environment that is unlike any that I have ever been in before. I want to be open to learn in a new way, and become as fully immersed as possible.


Academically, I want to be introspective during my internship, constantly reflecting on my experience and the role of higher education in South Korea. I want to study and learn about the higher education system in South Korea in order to gain a new perspective on higher education and student affairs.


Professionally, I want to represent the University of South Carolina, the HESA program, the USC Study Abroad Office, and the USA well--with pride, dignity, knowledge, and skill set. I want to be immersed in the professional culture of South Korea, and more particularly, in the higher education culture. I want to learn from my supervisors, coworkers, and students, and be the very best employee that I can be. I want to establish career connections within my field that I can utilize for the rest of my life.


Overall, I want to have a challenging, engaging, exciting, and rewarding experience. And as long as I stick to my goals, stay focused, am myself, and remain open, I am confident that these goals will be accomplished. 


I am interested to hear YOUR thoughts! Do you tend to have expectations, or do you prefer to set goals? Would you care to share some of your expectations or goals for when you travel, study, or work abroad? And if you have any other ideas for me, I would love to hear them.

Love,
lvp

Reality

I finished my first semester of graduate school!

Not without some drama, of course. I had to have emergency oral surgery the last week of class, stressed out over my final assignments and exams, wrapped up multiple projects at work, and procrastinated the packing up of my apartment. And then came the traveling.

I went to Charlotte, North Carolina for my alma mater graduation.

I went to New York for my birthday.

Then I finally drove down to Florida for my brother's high school graduation.

So it wasn't until Sunday afternoon after arriving in Florida that I even had time to sit down for a moment, in my parents' house, and realize: I leave for South Korea in less than three weeks.

There is quite a lot to be done before I go, like finish packing up my Columbia apartment (yes, another trip) and celebrate my (23rd!) birthday. Not to mention paperwork and packing. But I'm leaving on June 1 whether I'm ready or not.

I am so excited to leave the country again. I was just telling a friend of mine about that feeling you get when the plane lands in the foreign destination. Your heart stops and races at the same time, your stomach drops, your eyes get wide (and maybe watery), and you cannot erase the ear-to-ear grin from your face.

Well, at least that's how it is for me.

I'm looking forward to sharing yet another journey with you all.

Love,
lvp

Confession

Sometimes, when I am walking around my city or riding the bus, there is a brief moment–during which I feel somewhat suspended in time–when I think to myself “Ahh, it feels like I’m living in London again!”

And then I remember that I am in Columbia, South Carolina. Walking from my parking lot to my office, which unnecessarily takes 10 minutes. Riding the campus shuttle when I make it in time. Massive SUVs speeding past me as I J-walk my way to class. American college men in baseball caps and Sperry’s. American college women in glorified flip flops (my Scottish friend calls them Jimmy John’s) carrying Vera Bradley. Sports fan, fraternity brothers, the city’s homeless, law students, high school drop outs, wannabe fashionistas, athletes, triathletes, trying to be athletes. You name it, Columbia has it.

And although it’s no London, right now (and for the next year), it’s home. So I will learn to embrace it, I will learn to love it, and I will learn to learn from it. Just as I do every other place I live. And just like I will in Seoul this summer.

More on this later.

Love,
lvp

Wholly Whose?

I've been learning a lot the last couple of months. And it seems impossible to me that I can even use that phrase, "the last couple of months" in reference to my time in Columbia. But I started my job at USC two months ago exactly, and in many ways, I feel exactly like I did when I first arrived.

My intention was for my next blog post to be about my job, to bore you with all of the mundane details of the job that I love so much. But instead of spending paragraphs trying to explain what it is that I am doing here, I'm going to briefly give you the highlights, and then tell you about, more importantly, what God is doing in my life.

First off, you can now find me on the Study Abroad staff page, and "meet" the rest of the awesome people with whom I have the privilege of working. So aside from getting to know my lovely coworkers, I have learned the ways of the chaotic and never-a-dull-moment front desk, sat in on initial and follow-up advising appointments, participated in exchange student move-in and orientation, survived (and enjoyed!) my first study abroad fair, attended a scholarship workshop in Atlanta with Rachel and Sarah (my very first business trip!), interviewed peer advisors, and partaken in multiple meetings, included staff meetings, department meetings, and provider visits. All of this, though, is the "side dish" to my main task. Primarily, as "graduate intern," I am working closely with Jenn, the director, on a variety of assessment projects. Some of these are data-focused and will hopefully lead the way to more funding, while others are more research-based and lead to improvements in our office for our students. For example, I just finished putting together a comprehensive list of our most affordable program options in the 10 most popular study abroad destinations. Sounds easy, perhaps, but is definitely time consuming when you have upwards of 300 programs to review! I have learned so much since I started working, and I still have much to learn. Every day brings a new set of challenges, which is part of what I love so much. But, nothing beats the staff and the students that I get to work with everyday. They are the constant reminder of why I am here, the reminder that I am in the right place and doing the right thing.

Which brings me to the next part of this post: what God is doing.

In March, while I was in Guatemala, I started reading Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What. I got through half of it before I became distracted by school and life. I picked it up again today, though, and would you believe that the very chapter where I left off is about exactly what the Lord has been trying to teach me, recently? Not only is it amazing that I didn't read this part earlier, because it would not have meant as much to me then, but it's also amazing that now, right now, is when I was prompted to read it.

You may remember my last post, in which I mentioned that transition has not been so easy this time around, and that I am struggling to find where I belong in this not-very-large city. Now, perhaps more than ever, I have been seeking validation from people, because I have this idea that having people like me will make me feel more at home here. I put myself in compromising positions because I am far more concerned with making friends, no matter who they are, and with having these friends validate me as an individual, than with taking the time to find people with whom I have much in common. And forget trying to find spiritually supportive friends; I have to find a church to find them, and finding a church is never an easy scavenger hunt.

And right in the middle of this struggle, God (and Don Miller) whacks me upside the head with this: "These wants we have, like wanting to be right, wanting to be good, wanting to be perceived as humble, wanting to be important to people, and wanting to be loved, feel perilous, as though by not getting them something terrible is going to happen...God wired us so that He told us who we were, and outside that relationship, the relationship that said we were loved and valuable and beautiful, we didn't have any worth at all...As Paul said, if those relations are disturbed, the relations between God and man, then we feel the desire to be loved and respected by other people instead of God, and if we don't get that love and respect, we feel very sad or angry because we know that our glory is at stake, that if there isn't some glory being shone through us by somebody who has authority, we'll be dead inside, like a little light will go out and our souls will feel dark, like nothing can grow there. We'll feel that there is a penalty, by default, for being removed from love."

I don't know about you, but every time I read that I feel like I'm being sucker punched with a horribly fantastic reality. Because, the reality is that it's not the "being in a new place" or the "being away from my closest friends" that is making me frustrated and making me long for companionship, acceptance, and validation. It's my distance from God, my separation from him because of sin, and my failure to wholly, fully, and completely trust in His love. Because it is only in His love that I will ever feel fulfilled, no matter where I am and no matter who I know. "What if the way the Trinity operates explains the way humans are wired, and that we will be fulfilled when we are finally with God and, in His companionship, we know who we are? What if when we are with God, we feel that we have glory, we feel His love for us and know, in a way infinitely more satisfying than a parent's love or a lover's love, that we matter?"

This is my lesson for the day: it doesn't matter where I am, who I know, how new my surroundings are, or how comfortable my life is; I will always look for validation from my peers if I am not fully satisfied in the God of the universe who loves me infinitely. I can try to excuse my desire for worldly acceptance by saying that I am in a new place and trying to make friends, but I will only be denying the real reason for my loneliness, which is that I am not trusting in the loving arms of Christ.

I am reminded of my neighbor's art camp I photographed this summer, a job which gave me the privilege of leading a small group of fifth graders in Bible study every morning. We were discussing holiness one day, and what exactly that means and looks like. We all agreed that Jesus is holy, but how in the world are we supposed to be holy? Scripture tells us that we must seek holiness, so I encouraged the girls to wake up every morning with this prayer: "Jesus, make me holy." I have found myself wanting to ask this, and sometimes even saying the words aloud, but not fully committing to the request in my heart. And yet, this only makes me want to pray this more, because it is my unholiness that prevents me from being able to ask the Holy of Holies for his attributes.

I am full of earth; You are heaven's worth.

I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.

You are everything that is bright and clean,

The antonym of me; you are divinity.

But a certain sign of grace is this:

From the broken earth, flowers push up,

Pushing through the dirt. You are holy.

I want to be holy like You are.

Love,

lvp

Well?

If you want to feel alive, then learn to love your ground.

Remember how I felt when I first got back from London? Like I didn't know where I belonged, and I wanted to be four different places at once?

When all of this fell into my lap--the job, the school, the apartment--it was hard to not see God's hand in all of it. He was so clearly directing me a certain way, and I stepped into his direction with confidence and expectation.

But so far, it's nothing like I expected.

I love my job, and I love the people I work with. My boss is not only a powerhouse, she is a pleasure to work for and a constant encouragement. In fact, going to work is the best part of my day, because I get to spend hours with some of the most inspiring people. And now that the student workers have started, there is even more inspiration to be had. When I'm at work, I am comfortable but pushed beyond my comfort zone. And I know it's exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Outside of my job, things start to look a little bit...messier. I suppose I haven't really found my "nitch" yet, so I still feel unsettled. I've moved to several different places on my own, without knowing anyone, and I've gotten along just fine. But this time is different. There's no orientation for grown-up life, there's no city tour and scavenger hunt, and there's definitely no icebreakers. You have to come up with your own way to break the ice--but first you have to find people with whom you need to break it. Outside of work, and Natalie, I've made a few friends here and there, randomly. But it mostly just leaves me craving the intimate and real relationships I've made in the past--at Queens, at Crestridge, and in London.

It's funny that when things make sense and happen outside of my control, it's easy for me to give God the credit. But when things start to look a little imperfect, messy, and confusing, my first response is to wonder if this is really where God meant for me to be. Because, I have this false idea of what that should look like, of what life should look like if I'm stepping into God's plan. But, the truth, I have no idea what it will look like. And, there's a good chance I'm exactly where God wants me but, perhaps, not being who He wants me to be.

Friends, I have a lot to learn. Everything is new to me right now, and God's mercies are new every morning (thank goodness). This journey is just getting started, and I don't have the slightest clue as to what the next two years in Columbia will look like. I do have a God that I can put all my trust in, though, and I am confident in His perfect plan. Most of the time. And for the times that I am not confident, He sweeps me off my feet and reminds me how very much He loves me.

Love,
lvp

Living Internationally in This Nation I Love

I have some exciting news that I've been meaning to share with you for a while. My recent move to Columbia, SC has kept me busy and kept me from telling you why, exactly, I moved here. Let's start from the beginning.

As a reader of this blog, you may know that in the spring of 2010, I studied abroad in England. What you may not remember is that I traveled through a program provider called EuroLearn, which is a branch of GlobaLinks Learning Abroad. And, more recently, I wrote about receiving their Alumna of the Year Award and subsequently traveling to Vancouver, Canada for the annual NAFSA conference.

At NAFSA, I met so many incredible people--too many to mention. The connections I made were invaluable to my future and inspiring to my ambitions. Some of the people I met were big-time International Education names, such as Cynthia Banks, the CEO of GlobaLinks, and Kevin, the VP of STA Travel. But some of the others I met were perhaps lesser-known, but no less-important to the industry. Coming home from NAFSA, I went through business cards over and over to try and match them with the faces in my memory. And there was always one who stood out in particular: Susan. Susan works for University of South Carolina (USC, not to be confused with University of Southern California), one of GlobaLinks' 400+ affiliated universities. She attended the affiliate luncheon with Jenn, her director, and heard my award acceptance speech. After the luncheon, she came to the GlobaLinks booth to talk to me about the Higher Education program at USC; and as a current student in the program, she had a lot of insight. I was very intrigued, but, admittedly, did not think that much would come out of that conversation--at least not for another year or so when I would go to graduate school.

You may also remember this: that I had a "master" plan, which was to spend a year abroad after college, teaching, working, doing something (anything, really) to gain more international experience. And then, after a year, I would return to the states for graduate school, where I would get my degree in higher education, thereby making me more qualified for the various jobs in international education. As I was frantically searching overseas jobs after returning from NAFSA, I received an email from Susan--the graduate student who was so encouraging to me but I scarcely expected to hear from. Her email stopped me in my job search tracks, and I immediately signed up to take the GRE. You see, she had told me about a Graduate Assistantship that was available in the USC Study Abroad Office, and that if I applied and got accepted to the Higher Ed program, then I could be considered for the GA position. Despite my plans, I scheduled a GRE date for the following week (right before I left on the road trip), and got excited about the possibilities. However, the excitement was shortlived; several days later, I received an email that it was too late to apply for fall admission to the graduate school. I took the GRE anyway, and set off on the greatest cross-country adventure (which you have hopefully already read about).

Two weeks later, I was sitting in Barnes & Noble in Charlotte, soaking in all of the US that I had just seen, when I get a phone call from the USC Study Abroad Office. But this time, it was not Susan contacting me; it was her director. She was offering me an internship position in her office--the chance to work with them as a temporary employee rather than a graduate assistant. And, in theory, I could apply to the Higher Ed program, get accepted, and apply for the Study Abroad GA for the Spring semester. I could not have been more thrilled. I would be lying if I didn't say I had already made up my mind, but I walked back into Barnes & Noble to tell my friends the news. The same friends with whom I had been discussing, literally moments before, everything I needed to do to get ready to go teach in South Korea.

The opportunity of working in the USC Study Abroad Office was a massive one for many reasons. Not only would it give me experience in the field that is a) difficult to come by in this economy and b) difficult to be qualified for as a recent college graduate, but it also gave me a direct opportunity for graduate school. The position was impossible to turn down, and a couple of weeks later, I found myself in Columbia, SC searching for an apartment.

It is the beginning of my fourth week of work and, needless to say, I absolutely love it. I have learned more in three weeks than I ever thought I could, and the people that I work with are the best. I felt welcome the moment I stepped into the office, I am always comfortable asking questions, and I know that I am a part of a team. And this is the thing that I have found over and over with international educators; there is this camaraderie that exists between those in the field, this unspoken (or perhaps spoken) vision that brings all of us together in a common mentality. And we've all studied abroad, so we understand that aspect of one another; no one complains when I say "This one time, in London," or when Susan says "When I was in Ecuador..."

So the point of that long-winded story is to tell you that I am still continuing on my path of travel. Although I am currently residing in the United States, I am still becoming the person that I met while I was in London. I am on an exciting path, and SO excited to see all the God has for me. I am confident that I am right where he wants me to be, and expectant about His plans for the future. I never imagined that I would be here, doing exactly what I wanted to be doing, exactly on God's terms. But here I am, and I am reminded everyday of His faithfulness and provision. May you continue to trust in His perfect plan for your life, and rest in the comfort of knowing that He has one!

Love,
lvp

P.S. Check back later for more concrete details about my job. I'll let you know what I'm working on and the exciting things that I get to be a part of!