The streets are all familiar, and an old friend shakes my hand.

They do warn you about the culture shock and the feeling of displacement that comes along with returning home, but nothing can fully prepare you for it.

Please don't misread me; I am so glad, and thankful, to be home. Being gone reinforced how grateful I am for my family and friends, and being here with them again after four months is wonderful. But being away from England is not easy.

The first week I was home was mostly just exciting. I was soaking it all in, trying to appreciate the little things that I had missed, trying to spend time with everyone at once, trying to keep in touch with the friends I had made in London. And then I went to Charlotte, to visit my college friends.

Charlotte was, no doubt, a great time, but it was, for whatever reason, when the transition struggles started to settle in. I felt, for maybe the first time in my life, like I didn't belong anywhere. Jacksonville, home, is where my family is, and of course I always feel welcome. But, after three years of college and the semester in another country, I feel somewhat detached--not from my family themselves, but from daily life, from routines,  from habits and schedules. I've been so used to being on my schedule that to suddenly consider four other people's routines becomes overwhelming. Then, in Charlotte, I felt a bit out of place, simply because my friends who are staying there this summer are very set in their routines, have jobs, have internships, have relationships--and so much has changed since I left. Dynamics among friends are so different, and it's difficult to just jump back into these friendships, especially after having changed so much myself. The other two places I would be? In the Blue Ridge Mountains at Camp Crestridge, but I know that that is not what the Lord has for me this summer. However, seeing a bunch of my friends return to work there and seeing all the photos go up from their adventures makes me miss it way more than I ever thought I would. And, finally, England. A place that has undoubtedly become a second (or third or fourth?) home to me, and I will be back. I just know now is not the time, although I wish with a lot of my heart that I could return tomorrow.

I will say that today marks the end of my third week home. And I have developed more of a sense of belonging. I am home, and I need to soak that time in, enjoy it, appreciate it, and savor it. I actually have to start considering my future, or my post-undergraduate life, which at this point consists of way too many ideas to even have a clear direction.  But so much that I do now will make a difference in what I can do later. So I feel a bit like "the future is now." And that's stressful. But I can handle it. Mostly because I am at home, where the love and support is constant, and because what better place to contemplate your future than the very place that holds your past?

By the way, I have done all but four of the items on my list. And I did most of them within 48 hours. Success!

Love,
lvp

The Last Boat to America

So, this is it.

I plan to keep you all updated on the continuation of my journey back home, but, I'll probably be signing off for a bit while I get home and process things. I have a lot of catching up to do as well, so hopefully I won't be around the computer much.

But, since I am far too emotional at the moment to write anything of clear substance, I thought that I would provide you with a list of things that I plan on doing within 48 hours of arriving home. These are, mostly, exclusive of the obvious things involving family and friends, such as hugging, chatting, etc. So, for your entertainment (and my distraction):

First Things First: A to-do list upon my arrival to the States (in no particular order)

1. Eat chick-fil-a.
2. Drink sweet tea (from Tori's mom and from Publix, and the mentioned restaurants).
3. Drive.
4. Eat Al's.
5. Eat Panera.
6. Call/text/receive calls on my iPhone (I've missed my ringtones!)
7. Spend DOLLARS and CENTS (hahaha. not that I have any left to spend...).
8. Go to the beach.
9. Drive again.
10. Play with my puppy (who is actually an old lady now).
11. Dance in my kitchen.
12. Drink good, cold skim milk.
13. Drink good, cold Dr. Pepper (the Dr. Pepper tastes different here).
14. Take pictures of things around my neighborhood that I've failed to notice before.
15. Go sit by the river.
16. Drive some more.
17. Teach my family how to play Big Bertha.
18. Get my camera cleaned/get my speedlight fixed/buy a new lens.
19. Print pictures.
20. Did I mention driving?

Is it coincidence that the three food places I miss the most all have the best sweet tea? I think not.

There are many more things I will be doing, but, I will update you later on. Thanks for joining me these past four months! Look forward to keeping in touch with you.

Sing me the truth, sweet bird of youth. I got some trouble trying to understand. Beneath the veils of mystery, are these the movements of an unseen hand? Our arms are filled with sunken treasure, baby; now our heads are filled with perfect sound. But do we truly see it, hey, 'til we're placing it in the ground? Make me a boat, away I'll float into the stillness of a pure blue sky...

Love,

lvp