Chapters

This chapter of my life is almost ending.

It's funny how we say that--like our lives are books, separated somehow by page numbers and paragraph breaks.

Chapter 1: Infancy and Toddlerhood
Chapter 2: Elementary and Middle School
Chapter 3: High School
Chapter 4: College
Chapter 5: Graduate School
Chapter 6: Adult Life

When you're younger, the chapters are very distinct. But the older you get, the harder it become to determine when each section is ending and when each one is beginning. School makes it easy to divide my life into parts, but what happens when I'm done with school (in a week)? What will be the external variables that push my life into new phases, new places, and new perspectives? It might be a job, or maybe a significant other. Maybe family, or children, or finances. Friends, or ambitions, or faith. I guess we'll find out.

But the Graduate School phase of my life is ending. The chapter is closing, and I am forced to face the reality of pure, unadulterated adulthood. It's scary, but it's exciting.

Graduate School is sort of a gentle transition from college--the time when you think you are an adult and then find out you aren't at all--into the so-called real world. It's been a wonderful chance for me to come into my own, to really find out who I am, and to decide what it is that I want to do with my life.

College was the beginning of that learning process, but in many ways, I finished college confused. I had learned SO much about myself, that I couldn't make a decision about which direction to follow. Graduate School has bought me some time to figure that out, and I am grateful for the past two years at USC.

My job in the Study Abroad Office has been wonderful. Not only have my coworkers been amazing, inspiring people, but I truly love my job. Every day is different and the students make every day worth it. I have learned more than I ever thought possible about the field of international education and the processes of study abroad. I have become a professional with a professional identity and a code of ethics. I have figured out what kind of a worker I am, and what kind of people I like to work with. And I have come to understand what I love to do and why I love to do it.

Soon, I will be moving on. Moving to a new city, starting a new job, and creating a new life. I am anxious, exciting, nervous, happy, and scared. But I know that I am going exactly where I am supposed to be. How do I know? Because, I know myself. I know what I am passionate about, what makes me happy, and what I love. International Education. I am so honored and privileged to be a part of this field, to be a member of this collaborative group of globally minded educators all over the world.

I can't share details about my new job yet, but I am excited to start sharing this next chapter of my journey with you very soon.

I will keep you posted!

What to Expect When You're (Not) Expectant

(Please forgive the horrible allusion to a book series for soon-to-be parents (which I have never read, thankfully), and the comedy film coming out this summer with the same title.)

But I want to talk about expectations.

Working in a study abroad office, I get to hear quite a lot about what students expect from a study abroad program. During pre-departure orientation, we actually ask students what their expectations are, culturally, socially, academically, and personally. Some students expect their lives to be changed--but they haven't given much thought as to what this might actually look like. Some students expect to learn a new language--but maybe haven't considered the difficulty of this task. Some students expect all play and no work--but quickly remember the word study in what they've signed up for.

Whatever the case, it is almost guaranteed that reality will not quite live up to expectations, or it won't look exactly like you might have imagined (right about now you should be thinking of that reality vs. expectations scene in 500 Days of Summer; if you aren't thinking of that, it means you haven't seen the film, and you should probably go watch it. After you read this post, of course). I learned this lesson at a young age; and for as long as I can remember, I have tried to not have expectations, so as to avoid preconceived ideas, notions or judgments--and to avoid disappointment.

Instead of expectations, I like to have goals. Having never been to Asia, much less South Korea, before, I have no idea what to expect. I have talked to some people about ways to prepare for the language and the culture, and I am slowly coming to an understanding of what my role as intern will be. But as far as what my days will look like, what my housing will be like, what my job will look like, what my life in Seoul will look like--I can hardly even begin to imagine! But goals--that is, the reasons I am stretching myself financially, challenging myself personally, and engaging myself professionally--are an entirely different story.

Realistic goals are something tangible that you yourself are in charge of. You have no control over the meeting of your expectations, but you have total control over setting and accomplishing goals. In order to hold myself accountable, I am going to list out some of my general goals here, for all of you to see. That way, if I don't feel like I've completed them by August 5th, I will not just be disappointing myself, but all of you as well.

My goals for my internship abroad at Sookmyung Women's University:


Personally, I want to further develop my independence, open-mindedness, self-awareness, cultural awareness, communication skills (including language!) and flexibility.


Socially, I want to meet new people and make new friends. I want to effectively balance staying connected with people "back home," and fully connecting and engaging with my "new (albeit temporary) home". I want to interact regularly with people who see differently from me, and learn from these interactions. I want to leave South Korea with friends that I will cherish forever.


Culturally, I want to be challenged in an environment that is unlike any that I have ever been in before. I want to be open to learn in a new way, and become as fully immersed as possible.


Academically, I want to be introspective during my internship, constantly reflecting on my experience and the role of higher education in South Korea. I want to study and learn about the higher education system in South Korea in order to gain a new perspective on higher education and student affairs.


Professionally, I want to represent the University of South Carolina, the HESA program, the USC Study Abroad Office, and the USA well--with pride, dignity, knowledge, and skill set. I want to be immersed in the professional culture of South Korea, and more particularly, in the higher education culture. I want to learn from my supervisors, coworkers, and students, and be the very best employee that I can be. I want to establish career connections within my field that I can utilize for the rest of my life.


Overall, I want to have a challenging, engaging, exciting, and rewarding experience. And as long as I stick to my goals, stay focused, am myself, and remain open, I am confident that these goals will be accomplished. 


I am interested to hear YOUR thoughts! Do you tend to have expectations, or do you prefer to set goals? Would you care to share some of your expectations or goals for when you travel, study, or work abroad? And if you have any other ideas for me, I would love to hear them.

Love,
lvp

Reality

I finished my first semester of graduate school!

Not without some drama, of course. I had to have emergency oral surgery the last week of class, stressed out over my final assignments and exams, wrapped up multiple projects at work, and procrastinated the packing up of my apartment. And then came the traveling.

I went to Charlotte, North Carolina for my alma mater graduation.

I went to New York for my birthday.

Then I finally drove down to Florida for my brother's high school graduation.

So it wasn't until Sunday afternoon after arriving in Florida that I even had time to sit down for a moment, in my parents' house, and realize: I leave for South Korea in less than three weeks.

There is quite a lot to be done before I go, like finish packing up my Columbia apartment (yes, another trip) and celebrate my (23rd!) birthday. Not to mention paperwork and packing. But I'm leaving on June 1 whether I'm ready or not.

I am so excited to leave the country again. I was just telling a friend of mine about that feeling you get when the plane lands in the foreign destination. Your heart stops and races at the same time, your stomach drops, your eyes get wide (and maybe watery), and you cannot erase the ear-to-ear grin from your face.

Well, at least that's how it is for me.

I'm looking forward to sharing yet another journey with you all.

Love,
lvp

Confession

Sometimes, when I am walking around my city or riding the bus, there is a brief moment–during which I feel somewhat suspended in time–when I think to myself “Ahh, it feels like I’m living in London again!”

And then I remember that I am in Columbia, South Carolina. Walking from my parking lot to my office, which unnecessarily takes 10 minutes. Riding the campus shuttle when I make it in time. Massive SUVs speeding past me as I J-walk my way to class. American college men in baseball caps and Sperry’s. American college women in glorified flip flops (my Scottish friend calls them Jimmy John’s) carrying Vera Bradley. Sports fan, fraternity brothers, the city’s homeless, law students, high school drop outs, wannabe fashionistas, athletes, triathletes, trying to be athletes. You name it, Columbia has it.

And although it’s no London, right now (and for the next year), it’s home. So I will learn to embrace it, I will learn to love it, and I will learn to learn from it. Just as I do every other place I live. And just like I will in Seoul this summer.

More on this later.

Love,
lvp

Wholly Whose?

I've been learning a lot the last couple of months. And it seems impossible to me that I can even use that phrase, "the last couple of months" in reference to my time in Columbia. But I started my job at USC two months ago exactly, and in many ways, I feel exactly like I did when I first arrived.

My intention was for my next blog post to be about my job, to bore you with all of the mundane details of the job that I love so much. But instead of spending paragraphs trying to explain what it is that I am doing here, I'm going to briefly give you the highlights, and then tell you about, more importantly, what God is doing in my life.

First off, you can now find me on the Study Abroad staff page, and "meet" the rest of the awesome people with whom I have the privilege of working. So aside from getting to know my lovely coworkers, I have learned the ways of the chaotic and never-a-dull-moment front desk, sat in on initial and follow-up advising appointments, participated in exchange student move-in and orientation, survived (and enjoyed!) my first study abroad fair, attended a scholarship workshop in Atlanta with Rachel and Sarah (my very first business trip!), interviewed peer advisors, and partaken in multiple meetings, included staff meetings, department meetings, and provider visits. All of this, though, is the "side dish" to my main task. Primarily, as "graduate intern," I am working closely with Jenn, the director, on a variety of assessment projects. Some of these are data-focused and will hopefully lead the way to more funding, while others are more research-based and lead to improvements in our office for our students. For example, I just finished putting together a comprehensive list of our most affordable program options in the 10 most popular study abroad destinations. Sounds easy, perhaps, but is definitely time consuming when you have upwards of 300 programs to review! I have learned so much since I started working, and I still have much to learn. Every day brings a new set of challenges, which is part of what I love so much. But, nothing beats the staff and the students that I get to work with everyday. They are the constant reminder of why I am here, the reminder that I am in the right place and doing the right thing.

Which brings me to the next part of this post: what God is doing.

In March, while I was in Guatemala, I started reading Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What. I got through half of it before I became distracted by school and life. I picked it up again today, though, and would you believe that the very chapter where I left off is about exactly what the Lord has been trying to teach me, recently? Not only is it amazing that I didn't read this part earlier, because it would not have meant as much to me then, but it's also amazing that now, right now, is when I was prompted to read it.

You may remember my last post, in which I mentioned that transition has not been so easy this time around, and that I am struggling to find where I belong in this not-very-large city. Now, perhaps more than ever, I have been seeking validation from people, because I have this idea that having people like me will make me feel more at home here. I put myself in compromising positions because I am far more concerned with making friends, no matter who they are, and with having these friends validate me as an individual, than with taking the time to find people with whom I have much in common. And forget trying to find spiritually supportive friends; I have to find a church to find them, and finding a church is never an easy scavenger hunt.

And right in the middle of this struggle, God (and Don Miller) whacks me upside the head with this: "These wants we have, like wanting to be right, wanting to be good, wanting to be perceived as humble, wanting to be important to people, and wanting to be loved, feel perilous, as though by not getting them something terrible is going to happen...God wired us so that He told us who we were, and outside that relationship, the relationship that said we were loved and valuable and beautiful, we didn't have any worth at all...As Paul said, if those relations are disturbed, the relations between God and man, then we feel the desire to be loved and respected by other people instead of God, and if we don't get that love and respect, we feel very sad or angry because we know that our glory is at stake, that if there isn't some glory being shone through us by somebody who has authority, we'll be dead inside, like a little light will go out and our souls will feel dark, like nothing can grow there. We'll feel that there is a penalty, by default, for being removed from love."

I don't know about you, but every time I read that I feel like I'm being sucker punched with a horribly fantastic reality. Because, the reality is that it's not the "being in a new place" or the "being away from my closest friends" that is making me frustrated and making me long for companionship, acceptance, and validation. It's my distance from God, my separation from him because of sin, and my failure to wholly, fully, and completely trust in His love. Because it is only in His love that I will ever feel fulfilled, no matter where I am and no matter who I know. "What if the way the Trinity operates explains the way humans are wired, and that we will be fulfilled when we are finally with God and, in His companionship, we know who we are? What if when we are with God, we feel that we have glory, we feel His love for us and know, in a way infinitely more satisfying than a parent's love or a lover's love, that we matter?"

This is my lesson for the day: it doesn't matter where I am, who I know, how new my surroundings are, or how comfortable my life is; I will always look for validation from my peers if I am not fully satisfied in the God of the universe who loves me infinitely. I can try to excuse my desire for worldly acceptance by saying that I am in a new place and trying to make friends, but I will only be denying the real reason for my loneliness, which is that I am not trusting in the loving arms of Christ.

I am reminded of my neighbor's art camp I photographed this summer, a job which gave me the privilege of leading a small group of fifth graders in Bible study every morning. We were discussing holiness one day, and what exactly that means and looks like. We all agreed that Jesus is holy, but how in the world are we supposed to be holy? Scripture tells us that we must seek holiness, so I encouraged the girls to wake up every morning with this prayer: "Jesus, make me holy." I have found myself wanting to ask this, and sometimes even saying the words aloud, but not fully committing to the request in my heart. And yet, this only makes me want to pray this more, because it is my unholiness that prevents me from being able to ask the Holy of Holies for his attributes.

I am full of earth; You are heaven's worth.

I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.

You are everything that is bright and clean,

The antonym of me; you are divinity.

But a certain sign of grace is this:

From the broken earth, flowers push up,

Pushing through the dirt. You are holy.

I want to be holy like You are.

Love,

lvp

Well?

If you want to feel alive, then learn to love your ground.

Remember how I felt when I first got back from London? Like I didn't know where I belonged, and I wanted to be four different places at once?

When all of this fell into my lap--the job, the school, the apartment--it was hard to not see God's hand in all of it. He was so clearly directing me a certain way, and I stepped into his direction with confidence and expectation.

But so far, it's nothing like I expected.

I love my job, and I love the people I work with. My boss is not only a powerhouse, she is a pleasure to work for and a constant encouragement. In fact, going to work is the best part of my day, because I get to spend hours with some of the most inspiring people. And now that the student workers have started, there is even more inspiration to be had. When I'm at work, I am comfortable but pushed beyond my comfort zone. And I know it's exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Outside of my job, things start to look a little bit...messier. I suppose I haven't really found my "nitch" yet, so I still feel unsettled. I've moved to several different places on my own, without knowing anyone, and I've gotten along just fine. But this time is different. There's no orientation for grown-up life, there's no city tour and scavenger hunt, and there's definitely no icebreakers. You have to come up with your own way to break the ice--but first you have to find people with whom you need to break it. Outside of work, and Natalie, I've made a few friends here and there, randomly. But it mostly just leaves me craving the intimate and real relationships I've made in the past--at Queens, at Crestridge, and in London.

It's funny that when things make sense and happen outside of my control, it's easy for me to give God the credit. But when things start to look a little imperfect, messy, and confusing, my first response is to wonder if this is really where God meant for me to be. Because, I have this false idea of what that should look like, of what life should look like if I'm stepping into God's plan. But, the truth, I have no idea what it will look like. And, there's a good chance I'm exactly where God wants me but, perhaps, not being who He wants me to be.

Friends, I have a lot to learn. Everything is new to me right now, and God's mercies are new every morning (thank goodness). This journey is just getting started, and I don't have the slightest clue as to what the next two years in Columbia will look like. I do have a God that I can put all my trust in, though, and I am confident in His perfect plan. Most of the time. And for the times that I am not confident, He sweeps me off my feet and reminds me how very much He loves me.

Love,
lvp