The streets are all familiar, and an old friend shakes my hand.

They do warn you about the culture shock and the feeling of displacement that comes along with returning home, but nothing can fully prepare you for it.

Please don't misread me; I am so glad, and thankful, to be home. Being gone reinforced how grateful I am for my family and friends, and being here with them again after four months is wonderful. But being away from England is not easy.

The first week I was home was mostly just exciting. I was soaking it all in, trying to appreciate the little things that I had missed, trying to spend time with everyone at once, trying to keep in touch with the friends I had made in London. And then I went to Charlotte, to visit my college friends.

Charlotte was, no doubt, a great time, but it was, for whatever reason, when the transition struggles started to settle in. I felt, for maybe the first time in my life, like I didn't belong anywhere. Jacksonville, home, is where my family is, and of course I always feel welcome. But, after three years of college and the semester in another country, I feel somewhat detached--not from my family themselves, but from daily life, from routines,  from habits and schedules. I've been so used to being on my schedule that to suddenly consider four other people's routines becomes overwhelming. Then, in Charlotte, I felt a bit out of place, simply because my friends who are staying there this summer are very set in their routines, have jobs, have internships, have relationships--and so much has changed since I left. Dynamics among friends are so different, and it's difficult to just jump back into these friendships, especially after having changed so much myself. The other two places I would be? In the Blue Ridge Mountains at Camp Crestridge, but I know that that is not what the Lord has for me this summer. However, seeing a bunch of my friends return to work there and seeing all the photos go up from their adventures makes me miss it way more than I ever thought I would. And, finally, England. A place that has undoubtedly become a second (or third or fourth?) home to me, and I will be back. I just know now is not the time, although I wish with a lot of my heart that I could return tomorrow.

I will say that today marks the end of my third week home. And I have developed more of a sense of belonging. I am home, and I need to soak that time in, enjoy it, appreciate it, and savor it. I actually have to start considering my future, or my post-undergraduate life, which at this point consists of way too many ideas to even have a clear direction.  But so much that I do now will make a difference in what I can do later. So I feel a bit like "the future is now." And that's stressful. But I can handle it. Mostly because I am at home, where the love and support is constant, and because what better place to contemplate your future than the very place that holds your past?

By the way, I have done all but four of the items on my list. And I did most of them within 48 hours. Success!

Love,
lvp